CAST OF CHARACTERS

EZRA: An insecure but well-intentioned boyfriend
ELLA: A frustrated but loving girlfriend
BRENDAN: An overconfident goof; Ella's ex-boyfriend
MOLLY: A flirtatious woman; Ezra's ex-girlfriend
A hip apartment full of interesting decor and Bohemian artwork. A romantic banner is artfully hung up, and there is other romantic paraphernalia throughout the space. There is a main couch and a television. EZRA and ELLA burst through the front door and into the room.

EZRA
What kind of name is Brendan Miles?
ELLA
Will you drop it?
EZRA
If I met somebody called that, I'd turn the other way.
ELLA
You don't know what you'd do.
EZRA
Would you name your son Brendan Miles?
ELLA
My last name isn't Miles, which is something we should both be thankful for.
EZRA
I didn't ask to run into your ex-boyfriend on our anniversary.
ELLA
We never actually dated.
EZRA
That's even worse. Frankly speaking, it ruined the whole picture for me.
ELLA
It was a shitty film, Ezra. The movie ruined the movie for you.
EZRA
I was really looking forward to it.
ELLA
My poor, sweet, anxiety-riddled bunny.
EZRA
(rummaging through pockets)
Where’s my phone?
(gives up; changing tactic)
Let's put something on. Do you know what you want to watch?
ELLA
I don't want this to be a thing. I know you make him out to be Don Quixote, but he's kind of a doofus. He's my friend, and if you spent some time with him, you'd see there's no reason to be threatened. He's just Brendan.
EZRA
I can't see myself going out for Mai Tai's with him anytime soon.

The doorbell rings.

EZRA
Who the fuck is that?

Ezra walks towards the door and opens it.
BRENDAN MILES is at the door.

ELLA & EZRA
Brendan?
BRENDAN
You left your phone at the theatre. I tried to chase after you, but you were gone.
EZRA
How thoughtful of you.

Ezra grabs the PHONE and places it on a nearby counter.

BRENDAN
What are you guys celebrating?
ELLA & EZRA
Nine months.
BRENDAN
Found yourself a keeper! Might I say, it's a beautiful home you have.
ELLA & EZRA
Thanks.

Brendan lets himself into the house and walks around, inspecting the romantic decorations.

BRENDAN
You always were such a good decorator, Ella.
ELLA
You really think so?
BRENDAN
Yeah, I do.
EZRA
I've been meaning to ask you a question. What kind of name is Brendan Miles?
BRENDAN
What?
EZRA
It's a little generic, don’t you think?
ELLA
Don't be rude, Ezra.
BRENDAN
(defensive)
I always hated it growing up, but now, I quite like it.
ELLA
I'm sorry about this, Brendan.
BRENDAN
Forget it.

Brendan rushes towards the door. Somewhere along the way, however, something in him snaps. He turns back around.

BRENDAN
You know what? You're right, Ezra, I am trying to fuck your girl. She's an angel. Being with her is like seeing those comets that come around every hundred and twenty years— who wouldn't want a piece of that? I would drop everything for the chance to have sexual relations with your girlfriend, and I know I could fuck her better than you ever could.
EZRA
Fucking cocksucker.

Ezra attacks Brendan. The two engage in a sloppy fight throughout the house as Ella watches in horror and attempts to stop them. During the chaos, Brendan grabs Ezra's phone on the counter and throws it onto the floor, shattering the screen.

EZRA
You broke my goddamn phone!
BRENDAN
I thought you didn't care about it, hypocrite!
EZRA
I'm going to fucking--
ELLA
Stop it! Now! Both of you!
(beat)
You know, I get jealous, too, Ezra. Sometimes I want to throttle your ex, Molly, but I don't; I don't have the luxury to do that. And it's unfair, but that's just the way the world works. But starting tonight, I won't be taking your shit anymore, Ezra—I simply won't.
(beat)
Why the fuck are you still here, Brendan? Get the fuck out of my house!
EZRA
Yeah, Brendan, get out of our house!
BRENDAN
Unbelievable.

Brendan walks out the door.

ELLA
I'm not finished with you, Ezra.
EZRA
He broke my fucking phone!
ELLA
Well, you’re breaking my heart. You know how many assholes I've dated before you? They're the only type of guy on the market! But for nine months, you, Ezra Kane, have been a cut above the rest—until tonight. I don't know what's with you, but you're acting like a bitch!
EZRA
I just knew he was trying to--
ELLA
I would turn him down in a second.
EZRA
But if he--
ELLA
Do you trust me, Ezra?
EZRA
You're the best thing in my life.
ELLA
Then let it go.
(beat)
Shall we put something on?
EZRA
Yeah. Okay.

Ezra and Ella sit on the couch. Ezra flips through the TV channels using the remote.

EZRA
Another franchise down the drain.
(beat)
I'm sorry, okay? I was out of line.
ELLA
Brendan Miles is a stupid fucking name, okay? He's an asshole.

The two sit closer together. All is momentarily well.
The doorbell rings.

ELLA
No.
EZRA
Are you fucking kidding me?

Ezra walks to the door and opens it. MOLLY ARNWOLD, looking absolutely stunning, is at the door.

ELLA & EZRA
Molly?
MOLLY
I'm sorry to drop in like this.
EZRA
What is it?
MOLLY
(to Ezra)
We need to talk.
EZRA
Do you mind, Ella? I won't be long.
ELLA
Of course not, bunny.

Ezra walks out the door with Molly. Ella is alone for about 30 seconds, and she fidgets with the couch pillows while she waits. Ezra re-enters the room with Molly.

MOLLY
I had to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening, Ez.
Molly walks out the door.
EZRA
What? What is it?
(beat)
You've got that look on your face.
ELLA
No, I don't. Just put something on.
EZRA
Do you wanna know what she told me? Cause I'll tell you, if you really wanna know.
ELLA
No. Put something on.
EZRA
You sure? Okay, than.

Ezra presses play on a movie, and they sit back to watch. Silence.

ELLA
What kind of a fucking name is Molly Arnold?